Potato
by Kat Henshaw
Summary: Bucky, Steve and Sam overhear a conversation between Darcy and Jane.


"I think I broke him."

Bucky's hand paused on the handle at the sound of Darcy's voice from the other side of the Lab door.

"Of course you broke him; you pulled his arm right out of its socket."

Frowning, he turned his head back to Steve and Sam who had followed him to make sure he didn't wimp out again. He'd been trying to ask Darcy out for months now, but something about the audacious spirit in her eyes intimidated him like nothing else.

"Well yeah, but I thought I'd be able to put it back in when I was done with this highly scientific demonstration."

Sam's mouth and eyes popped open comically. Bucky would have laughed if it weren't for the fact that his and Steve's did too.

"You thought you could put Ironman's left arm back on after painting it silver and super-gluing it onto that superman doll you wrapped in black tape so he looked like the Winter Soldier?"

The collective relief and amusement was palpable in the hall between the three.

"... Yes?"

Sam nudged Bucky toward the door, waggling his brows and smirking.

"Why are you even doing this again?" Jane's exasperated voice could be heard.

Bucky glared back, restraining himself from hitting him.

"To prove to you that what you're suggesting is impossible, with science."

"Darcy, this is not science."

Bucky lifted his hand, telling him to wait. Steve and Sam both rolled their eyes.

"Yes it is Jane. Now sit down and prepare to be wowed by science."

The sound of Jane's grumbles floated out to the now intrigued trio.

"Okay. _This_ is Sergeant Barnes."

Bucky's eyes flashed to Steve's.

"Why is he 'Sergeant Barnes'? He's told you so many times to call him Bucky."

"Tut-tut Jane. That would go against the laws of nature."

Bucky frowned at Sam. What the hell does that mean?

"How?"

"It just would. Now focus on my science. This is his BFF and unconfirmed ex and or current partner."

"That is a unicorn doll you painted like the American flag."

The look on Steve's face caused Bucky had to clamp his hand over his mouth before his laughter could be detected. Sam was bent in two shaking in silent laughter.

"Correct. Now, this is his Ex."

The laughter died away. Steve crossed his arms, face smug.

"Holy crap, that doll of Nat is really accurate."

Bucky and Steve barely managed to hold Sam back from opening the door.

"I know, right? I got it from this guy on Etsy that repaints dolls. I'll send you a link, he has a Thor and Loki doll set I think you'd like."

Sam was glaring at Bucky and mouthed ' _what the hell?!'_ Bucky just shrugged earning him a hard elbow to the ribs.

"Oh! Christmas presents!"

"Exactly. So, you see all of these, and now this is me."

All three turned their heads to look at the door. The silence was thick with anticipation.

"...Darcy, that is a potato."

Bucky swung his wide eyes around to Steve and Sam, whose mouths had fallen wide open.

"Yeah, you've seen me without makeup on."

Sam and Bucky looked at each other incredulously. Steve was still blankly staring at the closed door.

"Tch, well the Natasha doll has makeup on. You can't compare you without makeup to her when she's wearing it."

Sam began nodding enthusiastically. Bucky's hand slowly covered his mouth.

Darcy's long suffering sigh was heard. "I figured it would come to this. Fine, _this_ is me with makeup on."

Sam and Bucky froze. Steve leaned forward eagerly.

"Darcy... That is a mouldy potato with cat eyeliner."

Steve sucked in a shocked breath. Sam covered his face with both hands. Bucky drew his shoulders back and lifted his hand to the door.

"Exactly! See: Sexy Broody Cyborg Superman with a cleft chin and perma-bedroom eyes does NOT have a thing for a mouldy potato, Jane. Science Bitch!"

The door opened with a loud BANG and Jane and Darcy spun to stare at the intruder. Steve and Sam just outside the open door, arms paused in midair as they'd just failed to catch the determined soldier.

Then Bucky's blurted, "I love Potato's!"Penetrated the minds of everyone present.

Steve and Sam executed a perfect synchronised facepalm.


End file.
